Ophidians and Ruminants

West Africa is an amazing part of the world. Though you generalize about it at your peril, a couple of quirks seem to be consistently represented in most of the countries in the region. One of them is an amusing twist on the stiff-collared bureaucrat. Officials in West Africa, even minor ones, tend to be exceedingly... well, official.

Take these two beautiful turns of phrase, both culled from situation reports I've received this week from colleagues in the field:

1. "Immediate needs for the population include shelter, food and cooking utensils. We are also deeply concerned about a possible proliferation of reptiles."

2. "We are contributing to food security for vulnerable populations by supplying them with cereals and small ruminants."

I can't decide what's funnier -- the fact that our humanitarian progammes are concerned with snakes and goats, or that we refer to them as reptiles and small ruminants. It's especially fun to close your eyes and imagine the accent, the wonderful way West Africans roll their 'R's. I can just hear it now: "Prrrroliferation of rrrreptiles."

If Snakes on a Plane had been made by West Africans, it would have been called Venomous Ophidians Traveling Unlawfully in the Passenger Cabin of an Aircraft.